For instance, some of my female classmates felt instinctively protective of the odd and shy loner. Looking back, overall, the women and girls in my life were accepting and loving. In all of them, my eyes were immediately drawn towards the men. Although I could never admit it, those mean boys hurt me and I thought in gay porn, I could be healed.Īs a boy, I owned a fairly prodigious porn collection that I had acquired by stealing magazines from a local store or from my older brother, or taking the discarded copies out of the men’s lavatory at my father’s business. In a sense, after years of being either ignored or mercilessly teased by other boys, and thus adoring and hating them from afar, when I saw the men in pornography, I thought I had finally found acceptance. As a lonely and rejected little boy, my first discovery of gay pornography felt like a miracle.
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